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The
following article is written by a woman who
recovered from schizophrenia. It is a challenging
article, that demands our attention and it
represents a mandate, I believe, for a more honest
look at this condition and the treatment that is
generally offered. It tells us a story, a compelling
story and demands a better answer than we, the
professional world, have given so far. I
congratulate the author, Tracey May, she deserves
our respect for her courage and honesty, in stating
what is obviously a truth, her truth. It touches us
all.
I don’t think anybody will ever know what
Schizophrenia is because it is more of a personal
story than anything else. Only a Schizophrenic can
answer this question. Unfortunately once this
condition develops all memories of the cause become
hidden deep within the sufferers subconscious.
Schizophrenia is the end state of a series of
disturbing incidents that have gradually built up
over the years. It takes one final blow to the
psyche to cause a split in the mind. How a person
copes with adversity will determine whether
Schizophrenia surfaces. The symptoms overlap the
causes protecting the sufferer from ever confronting
what is underneath this not so mysterious condition.
As a survivor of Schizophrenia I know that you have
to be willing to enter a Schizophrenics world and
participate in a relationship rather than sit behind
a desk handing out prescriptions. I don’t care how
many new drugs scientists come out with it will
never cure Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is not a
brain - disease. I believe it is a natural mechanism
that is part of everyone’s genetic makeup. If you
start tampering with the gene responsible for
Schizophrenia it could possibly lead to irreversible
damage. For this reason an active role in a
therapeutic setting is the only way to create a
permanent change in a Schizophrenics behavior. I
know from experience that in order for me to
completely recover I had to confront each incident
that presented its self. Its like peeling off layers
of suppressed emotions. I had to be willing to leave
my Schizophrenic world and begin to feel again.
Hallucinations are an extension of an incident that
show only a small fraction of the reality of the
many incidents. Emotion and the visual aspect of the
incident become disengaged splitting into a mirage
of half truths protecting the inner pain from ever
escaping. The voices become an overblown reflection
of fear. Every symptom extends outwards allowing the
sufferer to detach emotionally. This is the purpose
of Schizophrenia. This is a psychological disorder.
Detachment is the key. Letting go of one’s identity
is a way to escape into a world outside themselves
in order to survive. A separation takes place
automatically. This new delusional world becomes
incredibly frightening because it matches the
emotions that have been buried for years. If you
don’t deal with negative emotions it turns into
negative symptoms. The buried emotions become
scrambled in a language that is hard to understand
because the Schizophrenic has created words that are
different in order to avoid any connection to the
real world so that they can psychologically cope
with incidents that they are unwillingly and unable
to confront. In most cases they will find a new
identity in people who are known to have sacrificed
themselves for the good of mankind. Most identify
with Jesus Christ because they see themselves as
great sufferers as Jesus Christ was known to be. The
panic and fear surrounding Schizophrenia causes
changes in the brain chemistry allowing people to
believe that Schizophrenia is a brain disease but
what people choose to ignore is when people are
under tremendous amounts of stress it can cause
chemical imbalances in the brain. Looking for
biological reasons is a waste of time and prevents
the sufferer from ever receiving proper treatment. I
am a perfect example, not only have I survived 21
years of Schizophrenia but I have completely
recovered without any damage to my brain. This
should tell you, scientists are heading in the wrong
direction. Most are avoiding helping Schizophrenics
by hanging onto the belief that Schizophrenia is a
brain disease. The truth of the matter is no one
really cares enough to work with them. If
Schizophrenia is seen as a brain disease it allows
mental health professionals to remain behind their
desks. This is unacceptable. This is inexcusable
behavior. How many of you would doubt my recovery?
Many I suppose because of your unwillingness to
involve yourself in a relationship with a
Schizophrenic. In a huge way you are telling
families and Schizophrenics that they are not worthy
of your help. Your role as a therapist has become
more important than what they need. Schizophrenics
are abandoned because of your refusal to change.
At one time when I mustered up enough courage to
tell a friend about my history with Schizophrenia
and recovery she was shocked. Her comment was I
thought you were one of us. This is a professional
person who had no idea that people actually do
recover. I thought after I risked telling her this
would be the end of our relationship but she
surprised me by telling me that I have contributed
to her life and helped her grow as a human being. My
friend believed that Schizophrenia was a hopeless
brain disease but now she knows differently. The
negative opinions of others prevent any chance of
other Schizophrenics recovering. This is a fact.
When are you going to change?
I was told I was hopeless. I was told that
Schizophrenia is a lifelong illness where medication
is the only answer. This I have proven to be false.
I beat the odds with determination and I never
allowed anyone to tell me who I was and what I could
not do. I refused medication. I refused mental
health professionals negative opinions. I chose to
travel this road alone. I chose recovery. Throughout
my illness I believed in hope that one day I would
conquer this illness that is known to be hopeless.
Schizophrenia did not win I did. The tools I had
were an ability to see beyond the hopelessness. I
never did give up my personal power and allow others
to shape my future. When I was laughed at I had the
last laugh. When I was told I was hopeless I became
hopeful. When I was told I would never amount to
anything I became something. When I was told I was
unworthy of living I chose life. Schizophrenia has
taught me that no one is beyond hope. I have chosen
to remove my mask and show myself for my fellow
Schizophrenics who have not had a chance to recover
the way I have. When are you going to take your mask
off? When are you going to get honest?
I believe that because of others poor choices I
remained sick for many years and nobody deserves
this treatment. It seems to me people actually
believe that Schizophrenics don’t want to change.
This is not true. I remember talking to a family
member who had convinced herself that her
Schizophrenic brother wanted to sleep on the floor
of his apartment without a blanket. What human being
would want this. I told her that her brother
believed he was an unworthy human being. She just
looked at me as if this could not be true. I told
her to sleep on the floor without a blanket and see
how it feels. She refused. Most people think
Schizophrenics actually like poor treatment. Do you
actually think a homeless Schizophrenic likes
sleeping outside or likes being without a home?
These are the decisions people are making for
Schizophrenics. Do you actually think Schizophrenics
like being warehoused in boarding homes or being
over medicated in Psychiatric Hospitals? It’s almost
as if people have completely detached from
acknowledging the needs of Schizophrenics. When I
lived on the streets I slept in parks or in the back
of parked trailers. It was cold and throughout the
night I never did sleep. I was too busy listening
for intruders and listening to the voices in my head
telling me that I was being chased. The devil and
his followers were after my soul so I had to stay on
the lookout for any possible suspects. The times I
did stay at hostels for the homeless being around
others I could not handle because in my eyes
everyone was the enemy. Closeness was my biggest
fear. I did not want to be found. Living on the
streets Schizophrenics are beat, raped and robbed of
the little possessions they have. If you really
think about it Schizophrenics are often refused any
other form of treatment. It is more to do with what
mental health professionals want and need.
I could probably go on and on about my experiences
as a Schizophrenic but most would insist that
Schizophrenia is a br ain disease. The change that
should take place is slow to come and once again
mental health professionals are making another
decision that does not benefit the Schizophrenic in
any way. Families will continue to wait.
Schizophrenics will continue to suffer needlessly.
This is a fact not a myth. I don’t even know what I
could say to change your mind. Everyone already
knows how horrible this condition is and how it
devastates family members to see their loved ones
suffering beyond belief. I can’t convince you to
change. I can only ask and hope that maybe you could
reconsider your decisions. I have not given up on
mental health professionals so why should you give
up on Schizophrenics. I thought maybe if I told my
story people would see it as an example of recovery.
It took courage to come forward and present myself
as a survivor. Actually I don’t even consider myself
a courageous woman I just have a strong need to
reach out to other’s to let them know that
Schizophrenia is not hopeless. I want my fellow
Schizophrenics to have what I have now. I don’t plan
on walking away or turning my back because I have
information that I am more than willing to share. I
just need you to listen and open yourself up to
helping instead of walking away. Everybody has a
theory and a opinion. While everybody is debating
this issue another Schizophrenic goes without proper
treatment. One more Schizophrenic spends another day
within an imaginary world where most people don’t
want to go. Is everybody missing the point here! It
is not about you. The way I see it is people are
avoiding changing their behavior instead of meeting
the needs of the sufferer. What is stopping you? Is
it the fear of change? I just can’t seem to
comprehend how someone is willing to refuse a
Schizophrenic help. Recently I have been reading
written material on opposing views and I find that
everyone is too busy debating the issue while the
Schizophrenic is waiting on the side lines. I find
it extremely negative. While Schizophrenics are
being neglected people are hashing out their own
personal differences and their own personal
viewpoints to attack others opinions. This to me
appears to be a game. This is not a contest in who
gets to have the last word. This wasted energy is
not helping anyone. The focus needs to be redirected
towards the sufferer.
I have waited patiently for you to change. Now I
know that I am going to have to travel this road
alone just like I recovered on my own. I will
succeed. It might take a little longer than I
expected but I guess this is all part of what it
takes. Deny my recovery, I will prove you wrong.
Deny my abilities, I will prove you wrong. Deny my
strengths, I will show you differently. Deny me a
voice, I will speak louder. You either support me or
you don’t. It makes no difference to me because I
have survived Schizophrenia without your support.
You might think it cannot be done but you are wrong.
Do you think so little of a persons potential to
overcome the worst of situations that you cannot see
beyond your own limitations? If you had
Schizophrenia would you survive? Its obvious that
your own personal thoughts on Schizophrenia have
caused you to doubt recovery. Is it so hard for you
to believe that Schizophrenia is not a hopeless
condition. Could it be possible that millions of
Schizophrenics are being denied proper help because
of your inability to change your stubborn beliefs? I
think so. Schizophrenia is a brilliant condition.
The human mind is a fascinating place to explore.
You do not know enough about Schizophrenia to label
it as hopeless. You are without experience. You have
not entered a Schizophrenics world to judge it
unworthy of hope. Many of you are afraid of
Schizophrenia because it is exploring unknown
territory. You close your eyes because you are
afraid of discovering the truth. You have become
hopeless in the eyes of many Schizophrenics because
of your unwillingness to join them in a therapeutic
relationship and this you don’t want to admit. You
have chosen to sit in a comfortable role.
When people become upset with mental health
professionals because they are not doing a good
enough job the professional then blames the patient
for not wanting to change but it is the professional
who is more resistant to change. Of course I am not
going to say that all professionals are this way
because I know there are the good ones but it takes
team work not a solo act to bring good results. From
personal experience I have met good people who are
willing to go the extra mile but it is not enough to
create a permanent change for the better. So as the
debating continues and the arguments continue it
just becomes one more day a Schizophrenic is denied
proper treatment. As numbers of cases start to grow
and more Schizophrenics take their own lives to
escape the horrors of Schizophrenia the Mental
Health System continues to exist without a
conscience. These so called miracle drugs on the
market are replacing human interest and the human
side of this issue has become secondary. I believe
these drugs are going to cause permanent damage to
the brain after many years of use. Nobody knows the
outcome and for this reason the pharmaceutical
business is a risky one. Over the years I have often
asked myself why I have recovered as well as I have.
The only reasonable answer I can come up with is
that a part of me could not be touched by
Schizophrenia. Some people call it the healthy core
of one’s existence. Some call it the human spirit.
Some call it a place of inner beauty but I think I
will just say it is who I am. This is the part that
exists underneath Schizophrenia. For some reason I
guarded this part of me. Intuition guided me. I
relied on this part of me to carry me through this
horrible condition. As a child I spent a lot of time
by myself. I would lay still in a field focusing on
this part allowing myself to feel the freedom in
being alive. I have saved myself. This is the part
that can be reached with the help of an experienced
professional. It takes commitment, compassion,
understanding and a willingness to involve yourself
in the recovery process. Today this part of me has
become my whole identity. This part of me gives my
life purpose in breaking down barriers, dispelling
myths, removing the stigmas and fighting for the
rights of Schizophrenics who still suffer
needlessly. I believe too much energy is put into
convincing families and Schizophrenics that
medication is the only answer. Out of frustration a
lot of people give up and cave in to the demands of
mental health professionals taking whatever little
help they can receive. This is not right.
I have spent many years studying my own behavior to
come to the conclusion that Schizophrenia is not a
brain disease. From my own personal experiences with
Schizophrenia I am 100% confident that I know the
human process in the development of Schizophrenia
and through personal experience I have come to
believe that anyone can overcome this condition with
the right kind of therapy. I am a firm believer in
the work of Jack Rosberg, psychologist and his
treatment methods because what he has to offer
actually works. I consider Jack a true leader in the
treatment of Schizophrenia and once people begin to
accept this reality change will occur and
Schizophrenia will not remain such a hopeless
condition that so many have come to believe.
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