I Changed Who I’d Been

By Kim Bartlett


Living with schizophrenia, along with a lot of fear and anxiety was more than I had bargained for. Most of my childhood and adulthood I suffered with the symptoms of schizophrenia. It has been a real challenge to overcome. But the great news is this, one can overcome!

It is my honest belief that when I turned my situation over to someone greater than myself, began Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and changed my way of thinking, I began my journey into recovery. I learned that I was not the center of the universe when it came to my diagnoses. So I began to learn empathy towards others instead of only centering on myself. I learned through therapy that I am a person of great worth and that I had something to offer the world that no one else could bring quiet the same way as I could. I learned that my past does not say who I am or who I will become in the future. I am the author of my life’s story and it is only through me that I am able to write it as I see fit. I can either choose unhappiness or I can choose to be joyful and overcome any hardship that presents itself. I am not saying one can simply wake up one morning and choose to have a sound mind. It takes a lot of work. It takes commitment and perseverance. In therapy, I learned to be committed to getting better and I persevered until one day I realized I did have a sound mind and I did have a choice in the direction my life was taking me. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy taught me to change the way I was thinking. I was once a very negative person, not ever seeing a way out of my dilemma. But today, I am extremely optimistic, it has become my way of life, my way of thinking and responding to the world around me.

After many, many years of suffering with extreme anxiety due to the symptoms of the schizophrenia I can honestly say that I no longer experience any anxiety to speak of. I was recently invited to join the Speakers Bureau in Oklahoma and become a public speaker on schizophrenia, stigma and recovery. When asked, I wanted to run away and hide, but only for a moment. My new way of training my mind to think was beginning to pay off. I said yes to the offer and today I have spoken to hundreds of people all over southwest Oklahoma. My new goal and dream is to speak publicly all over the United States. Now that’s a big dream I realize….but people do it every day, and I am not any different than anyone else when it comes to my ability to succeed. I love my new job almost as much as I love having a sound mind.

Today, I would like to encourage everyone to reach out, stretch yourself a little further, commit to therapy, change your thinking patterns and once and for all, embrace your recovery. You’ve heard the old saying, “Heal thyself”? Well, it has been my experience that indeed I had to take charge over my own healing. I had a lot of help from people who care about me and believe in me, but ultimately it was up to me to choose to commit and persevere until I did recover.

You are a person of worth, you have a story to tell and your future is one of hope. Take hold of the dream, shape it, mold it and then share it with the world. No one else’s story is quiet the same as yours, you are authentically unique. There is no reason to fear recovery in your future because you already know, deep within you, who you truly are. Remember, everything you learn and everything you say and do is uniquely you, there is no other you.

Saying positive affirmations are a part of my life, so I leave you with this scripture that has become a daily reminder to me.
“ God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind”.
(2 Timothy 1:7)

I look forward to any and all correspondence.
Bartlett.kim79@yahoo.com

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